we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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