He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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