We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
