My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
