Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i now understand why vodka
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
