I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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