My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
