dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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