dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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