I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Randomize