so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
