My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
