I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
