That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
