I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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