I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
