found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
