Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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