About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
