mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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