this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
