They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
