Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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