Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
