I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
