Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
