In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
