Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
