come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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