I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
