after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
