Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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