I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
