The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
