All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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