I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
