She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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