she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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