did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize