was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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