bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
