The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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