She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
