Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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