Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
