you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
