i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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