you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
