im about as happy as oj after his trial
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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