Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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