I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
