3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
