you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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