Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
