Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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