stop calling my apartment porn island.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
