i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
