Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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