In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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