I can tuck mytits in my pants
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
