I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
