she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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