When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
