That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
