When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize