um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Randomize
