I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
