first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
