Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
