Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
