if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
