why didn't you poke me back
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
