We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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