I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
