If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
