Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
