i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
