The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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