She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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